Wednesday, September 22, 2010

New York, here I come! (And an announcement)

This weekend I am going to visit my BFF in NYC ... the same one I blogged about last week! Funny how that happens ... anyway. My impending trip got me thinking about the subject of friends. Friends make us who we are - they help us cope with things when we are down, they help us realize what direction it is that we are supposed to go in - and they base it not on who THEY are, and not on what direction THEY would go in, but a real friend just knows you so well that they can say, look, friend, you and I both know that this is what is right/wrong for YOU.

My friend in NYC is just like that. She understands me even when I don't speak. We are only able to see one another a few times a year, but we've gotten so good at chatting on the phone that she can just HEAR my voice and know that something isn't right - and 9 times out of 10 she even knows what it is that isn't right!

I realized that I've been holding on to a lot of anger and sadness in my life. I've known about it for awhile now, and while I've tried so hard to let it go, I just can't seem to shake it. It had to do with betrayal, and unfinished business, and a lack of understanding why what happened had in fact happened ... This summer I was able to get some closure (which was incredibly painful and difficult), but it didn't help me to let it go in the way that I really hoped it would.It wasn't until very, very recently that I really got to the real root of why I've been holding on. It was sort of a really fucked up epiphany moment, but now that I've recognized it, I am SO glad that I am going to NYC to see my friend so we can hash out what is going on in my head. She always knows how to fix me  :) Love you Corn Flakes!!!!

It is SO important to have good friends in your life. I've had to "break up" with my share of friends in my life (ahem). It's never easy. But when a friend stops "getting" you and understanding your life it may be time to start saying your goodbyes, even if it is really difficult, because we all know there is nothing worse than having a toxic friendship. It's like being betrayed over and over again - you USED to get me, what happened?! But sometimes it's just a matter of life happening, and people moving on & changing. It's just like a relationship with a significant other - sometimes, depsite your best attempts, you become different people and you wake up one day and realize: I don't know this person anymore. In these cases it's not so much anyone's fault, but sadly, that doesn't always make it any easier.

In other cases (aHem!) you have no idea what happened, you simply wake up one day and realize that you've been broken up with. Not to say its ever happened to me, or anything (AHEM! Must be a frog in my throat, sorry!) but it seems to me that you really need to be certain that a friendship can't be salvaged before you go and cut ties so completely. Or, at least, make sure the other person knows why you've decided to move on, and not just pack your shit and leave while someone else is on their honeymoon and then never speak to them again after 20+ years of friendship. Bastards. Oh look, there's that anger!

It's also kind of funny that sometimes, the real root of your anger doesn't become fully actualized until it happens again. It's like the world needed to bash you on the head before you finally woke up and say ... Ohhh. I get it now.

But I digress. The point is, I don't have enough good girl friends in my life - not ones who live close to me, anyway. Especially new mommy friends, women who really "get" the concept of mommy-hood and the immense changes that it brings. So, I am excited to annouce that I've joined a new mom's club, and so far the members have been more than welcoming. They have TONS of great kid-friendly activities all the time (evenings and weekends included, so working moms like me can actually hang out), along with book clubs, and (here's the best part) they try to do at least 2 moms-nights-out a month. Eek! As scary as it is, I am absolutely thrilled to bring new blood into my life, and into my daughters life. There is nothing more thrilling and exciting than a new relationship - and in this case, it's several! And I really, truly believe that this is going to be the key to helping me to realize the anger I've held on to for so long, and really let it go and move on with my life.

After all, I've started this new chapter of mom-hood, it's best to start filling the pages, right?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I am so high right now.

Last night I was talking with my BFF in NYC. She was heading out with another mutual friend for drinks - on a Thursday. And I thought (and said as much) maaaaaann, I remember Thirsty Thursdays. Heck, I remember Thirsty Mondays ... and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays for that matter. But shit changes when you become a mom. Like, big changes, along with the weird other little changes that are just a pain - like grocery shopping or errand-running with children. Pain! Anyhoo, that night I got to feeling all down on myself, because really, I totally miss that.

Perfect example: last weekend, all I wanted was to watch a movie at my very good friend's brandy new condo. But I couldn't, I had to leave early, because the kid needed to go to bed and she doesn't sleep well in foreign places. Lately it seems like that's all we do - see friends for a minute, then go home and put our kid to bed for 8:30 and then watch TV 'till we get tired ... and then the weekend is over. It's a giant bummer. I just want to go out! Put on some cute heels, wear some fun makeup, and go OUT! Even if it's just something totally minor. And I don't want to have to plan it, I want it to just happen because I FEEL like it, and not because we lucked out on a babysitter that night.

And then, tonight happens. I came home, and the hub was giving the kid a bath and was feeling frustrated. So I took over. She splashed me in the face with water, and giggled at me, and then paraded around the tub holding her dripping Elmo Tub Sub (her favorite bath toy), naked as the day she was born, laughing and splashing water at me, her fat little belly sticking out, all pudgy-like.

And then we got her in her p-jammers, and we sat down in the rocker, and she curled up in my lap and cooed for a little while, smelling all sweet. And I thought to myself: mine. This kid, this small little human, this is MINE. I made it. It depends on me. It sees me, and breaks out into this giant ridiculous grin, and toddles over to me, reaching for a hug. It calls me Momma, for chrissakes. When is the last time you found that in a bar? (If the answer to this is any time recently, I'm not certain I want to hear that story) And this is my LIFE. This perfect little person is my life, for the rest of my life. She will be the biggest part of me I ever let go into this world. I will watch her grow into a big kid, and then a bigger kid, and then a teenager. I'll watch her get married, I'll watch her have kids of her own. This kid, this sweet-smelling, awesome giggly toddler, will be MY LIFE forevermore. And that is kind of the awesomest thing ever. Especially because she's super cuddly, and kind of looks like me  :)

Here's the thing. Life has it's ups and downs. And that's true if you're a mom, a working professional, a job seeker, a world traveler. You are ALWAYS going to see greener pasture no matter where you are in life. And you know, what? My pasture: its pretty darn green, and it smells like lavender after it bathes and it has the sweetest giggle you've ever heard. This for me is a giant "up" in life, even if I sometimes miss the Cosmo's. Yeah ... I am so high right now.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Kitty Claws

Hello kitties! I am so super sorry it has been so long. I am certain that I could make up a hundred different reasons for neglecting my loyal followers (all 8 of you, I love you dearly), but it would all be simply words. So, let me say that I am sorry and leave it at that. Also, I am a mother to a one-year old who works full time and has a very demanding social life, so get off my back. Just kidding! :)

So on to the post ...

Those of you who know me know that I NEVER wear nail polish. Never. I've tried it. It lasts for about a day, and then it chips and looks terrible. Apparently I am very rough on my nails. Who knew? I do, however, file them and shape them constantly, and keep them relatively long-ish. You can thank MamaDukes for that, I remember watching her filing her pretty long nails as she watched her evening programs ... she's the one who inspired me to finally stop biting them off!

Anyway, I am a loyal follower of Erika over at Cafe Fashionista. My decidedly un-fashionable self lives vicariously through her Tightwad Tuesdays, Thrifty Thursdays, Fashionably Moi, and various other amazing contests and giveaways that I drool over and desperatly try to win but never do (pick me, Erika, pick me!). As I was browsing I found that she mentioned a nail polish blog she adores, and curious me decided to take a look. You see, I do do the toesies - I love me a good pedicure, and try to get one at LEAST once a month - and I am always looking for the funnest shades. Lo and behold, this kitten has been smitten with the nail stylings of Scrangie.

Oh. My. God. For really, I don't think I even knew you could DO this to nails!!! And the colors! Oh dear lord, so pretty!!!! Here is just a sampling of my favorites .... enjoy my sweet kitties!

This is a manicure technique she is calling the "Ruffian manucure" - soooo super cute!!! i love the colors! I really do wonder if I could pull something like this off ...

I love these colors too -- the gold is so pretty!

And here we go with THREE different colors . sooo pretty! I don't know about the red on the bottom though, it kind of looks like her cuticles are bleeding ....

I am simply MAD for this color!!! It's called Nicole ... Spotted and its in OPI's new Gossip Girl collection. For really? LOVE! I kind of have a thing for sparkly anyway, and this is just to die.

This gorgeous black matte polish is something I'm not sure I could EVER pull off, but maybe if I get braver I'd give it a shot. It's called Obscure, and it's by OPI.

I kind of really love this too. I went through a phase in high school where I would ONLY wear this color blue. I had it in sweaters, shirts, t-shirts ... and as soon as I saw this polish, it brought me right back there. Man, I loved that color .... this one is very fittingly called Raindrops, by Illamasqua. Never heard of the brand, but they sure make purty colors!

Razzle Dazzle. Um, OK. If I had to pick a color now to wear every day like I did in high school, I would TOTALLY pick this color. But it would have to have all the luminescent shine that this polish does, otherwise, forget it. Just gorgeous. And sparkly! Me likey! Oh - this is called Razzle Dazzle, by Deborah Lippmann.

I am really liking this one a lot too. It's softer, and I think it would be a good foray for me into the world of polish. Nice for every day wear, but still pretty and sparkly enough if I plan to go out ... 'cuz I do that all the time. Really. Stop laughing. Moms can have a life too, you know. OK. I'm lying. This would like nice on my nails as I sit on my couch feeling sorry for myself and my lack of a life. And its called Scandal, Secrets and Sparkle, all of which I need in my life, by OPI.

Oh this is another one by Deborah Lippman. SO pretty! Look at how many different sizes there are of the sparklies!!! I love this, but I wonder if it would look really juvenile on my nails ... still. Love. And, it's called Some Enchanted Evening. Man, I'd love to have a job naming nail polishes I'll never wear. What a cool job that must be. Nail Polish Namer.

Ready for the similarities between different nail polish colors? Take a look here. I really love this (well, these) color(s). Again, I'm just not sure I could wear this, it's super dark, but I do really love it. Again, maybe I can work my way up to this ... but these are 4 different colors! For really! Scrangie says its, from left to right (pinkie to index), OPI Party at 3 AM, OPI Blues in the Night, OPI Unripened, & Jessica Casablanca. Interesting that 3 of these shades are made by the same company! How do they not see it and say, oh, gee whiz, this looks just like Blues in the Night!

Anyhoo, kittens, what do you think? Do you experiment with nail polish? Scrangie talks about layering different shades, and uses all kinds of neat manicure techniques and all that ... what's the wildest thing you've ever done to your nails?

--XOXO, Bree.