This weekend I am going to visit my BFF in NYC ... the same one I blogged about last week! Funny how that happens ... anyway. My impending trip got me thinking about the subject of friends. Friends make us who we are - they help us cope with things when we are down, they help us realize what direction it is that we are supposed to go in - and they base it not on who THEY are, and not on what direction THEY would go in, but a real friend just knows you so well that they can say, look, friend, you and I both know that this is what is right/wrong for YOU.
My friend in NYC is just like that. She understands me even when I don't speak. We are only able to see one another a few times a year, but we've gotten so good at chatting on the phone that she can just HEAR my voice and know that something isn't right - and 9 times out of 10 she even knows what it is that isn't right!
I realized that I've been holding on to a lot of anger and sadness in my life. I've known about it for awhile now, and while I've tried so hard to let it go, I just can't seem to shake it. It had to do with betrayal, and unfinished business, and a lack of understanding why what happened had in fact happened ... This summer I was able to get some closure (which was incredibly painful and difficult), but it didn't help me to let it go in the way that I really hoped it would.It wasn't until very, very recently that I really got to the real root of why I've been holding on. It was sort of a really fucked up epiphany moment, but now that I've recognized it, I am SO glad that I am going to NYC to see my friend so we can hash out what is going on in my head. She always knows how to fix me :) Love you Corn Flakes!!!!
It is SO important to have good friends in your life. I've had to "break up" with my share of friends in my life (ahem). It's never easy. But when a friend stops "getting" you and understanding your life it may be time to start saying your goodbyes, even if it is really difficult, because we all know there is nothing worse than having a toxic friendship. It's like being betrayed over and over again - you USED to get me, what happened?! But sometimes it's just a matter of life happening, and people moving on & changing. It's just like a relationship with a significant other - sometimes, depsite your best attempts, you become different people and you wake up one day and realize: I don't know this person anymore. In these cases it's not so much anyone's fault, but sadly, that doesn't always make it any easier.
In other cases (aHem!) you have no idea what happened, you simply wake up one day and realize that you've been broken up with. Not to say its ever happened to me, or anything (AHEM! Must be a frog in my throat, sorry!) but it seems to me that you really need to be certain that a friendship can't be salvaged before you go and cut ties so completely. Or, at least, make sure the other person knows why you've decided to move on, and not just pack your shit and leave while someone else is on their honeymoon and then never speak to them again after 20+ years of friendship. Bastards. Oh look, there's that anger!
It's also kind of funny that sometimes, the real root of your anger doesn't become fully actualized until it happens again. It's like the world needed to bash you on the head before you finally woke up and say ... Ohhh. I get it now.
But I digress. The point is, I don't have enough good girl friends in my life - not ones who live close to me, anyway. Especially new mommy friends, women who really "get" the concept of mommy-hood and the immense changes that it brings. So, I am excited to annouce that I've joined a new mom's club, and so far the members have been more than welcoming. They have TONS of great kid-friendly activities all the time (evenings and weekends included, so working moms like me can actually hang out), along with book clubs, and (here's the best part) they try to do at least 2 moms-nights-out a month. Eek! As scary as it is, I am absolutely thrilled to bring new blood into my life, and into my daughters life. There is nothing more thrilling and exciting than a new relationship - and in this case, it's several! And I really, truly believe that this is going to be the key to helping me to realize the anger I've held on to for so long, and really let it go and move on with my life.
After all, I've started this new chapter of mom-hood, it's best to start filling the pages, right?